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Greetings, I am a Madman

No, not “dysfunctional” or “emotionally challenged” or even “suffering from a mild psychosis or similar socio-pathological disorder.” I am a Madman. All this fancy terminology was created by certain psychoanalysts as an attempt to justify their existence, as well as their over- inflated financial needs. Part of their job (supposedly) is to “explain that which we do not yet fully understand.” Is it just me, or is this a contradiction in terms?

Even though a disease or disorder has name, it doesn't mean anyone knows what it is. Ever sign a medical release? Did you read it? It probably contained this phrase “...is not an exacting science and therefore cannot guarantee absolutely the result of the recommended treatment...” Ain't that a kick!

How do I know I am a madman? I'm told this by those who 'know' here in the largest of sanitariums, the Associated Medical Evaluation Research Institute and Clinical Asylum. Because of my faith in people, even those casually referred to as beggars and street people, for giving when I knew I wouldn't get back, for wanting to help those who could do nothing for me, I am so judged.

This is a collection of observations, quotations I have encountered, and miscellaneous writings I have seen inscribed on various walls. Keep in mind that I, being a madman, cannot distinguish between what is truth and what is delusion. Decide for yourself, as it should be, what is indeed the truth. I make numerous references, but only occasionally reveal their source. Any truth should stand on its own merit, not on the merit of its source.

I present this to you hoping that somewhere in these ramblings there might be some small bit of useful information.

I have been assured, this is crazy.

I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray...
-- 

What gives you the right?

How odd a question! Do I think I have the right to publish this work? Why not? It seems everyone else has something to say. Do I profess to be qualified? Well, as a writer I'm not sure, but as a raving lunatic I may be a bit over- qualified. Am I just going to say things that have already been said? Am I just going to say things that have already been said? I don't know, you decide.

What, what's that you say? You're tired of having other people tell you how to live, how to work, what's right and what's wrong? Great! You've come to the right place! I have no preachings, no judgments, and no decision making for you. I only want to rant and rave across this piece of paper talking about the strange things I've seen and heard.

If you enjoy it, great! Pass along the good feeling. If you don't like it, no problem, but please pass it along anyhow, someone else might get a kick out of it!

Pohls Law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.

Never appeal to a man's 'better nature.' He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
-- Lazarus Long

REPORTER (to Mahatma Ghandi): Mr. Ghandi, what do you think of Western Civilization?
GHANDI: I think it would be a good idea.

Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is constant; yet the population is growing.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man
-- Mark Twain

I saw you the other day...

I was just hanging around, watching people as I tend to do. If I had any grip on reality, I'd have called it depressing. It's like watching dark clouds pass overhead. Some just grey, others more dreary. Some clinging, others falling apart, and all just drifting along slowly dissipating into nothingness.

Then, I saw you. You looked a bit tired, eyes dragging the ground, I thought a friendly gesture might be a nice way to help brighten your day. All I did was smile, give a short nod and quietly say 'Hi.' Do you remember? I'm not sure I do. Were you the one who kept your eyes bolted straight ahead as if I didn't exist? Or maybe you caught yourself looking at me and quickly went back to staring at the ground. Maybe you were you the one who looked at me as if I had walked in on you in the bathroom?

No matter, I intruded on you and I apologize. I forgot, it's been a long time since strangers were “friends I haven't yet met.”

Love for all, pay at the door

I see so many decent people from day to day. They could all be good friends with each other, if they could only see what I see.

It's not their fault, I suppose. The Others have done much to make them fearful of strangers. The Others who act as if they want to be your friends. They say they like you. They say money is free, if you're willing to take it. They say you're unhappy because you don't live like them. They claim they can give you happiness. They greet people openly and loudly on the street corners. They'll be your friends, all right, until it's time for you to give. And give.

Whether they wear suits, street clothes, or robes they are all salespeople. Trying to sell their product, their ideas, their beliefs, their 'truths,' any or all of which comes at a price.

I used to think, as it was written, “...and the truth will set you free...”, but somehow the truth became perceptual. Changeable. Unmarketable. Not economically viable.

Twist and shout

Then there are those people who don't care about being you friends. They are only concerned with convincing you that you are lost, worthless, unhappy, condemned, whatever.

They will preach in the most populous areas, on the highest pedestals they can find. Whether they are religious, racist, elitist, or industrialist, they all have the same message; “You think you are happy, but you're not, you think you are content, but you're not. Do as I instruct you and you will be happy and content. Do not, and you will be forever lost.” Yawn. Thousands of years and the theme hasn't changed yet.

And yet, even lo these thousands of years, people follow. I've asked some of those caught under the spell “But what do you think?” only to hear “It doesn't matter what I think, the (master) says I must...” I don't know if I should laugh hysterically or weep bitterly. I could easily do either.

Perceptual Reality

Insanity is hereditary, Celibacy is not.

Life is like a roller coaster: It has its ups and downs, it ends to quick, and usually makes you violently sick.

I've yet to see a problem that could not be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.

If you're convinced that nobody cares you're alive, try missing some loan payments.

Murphy's law is not reversible; you cannot make it rain by washing your car.

Nobody says the glass is half empty or half full any more. A true pessimist will say “Who cares, some fool will spill it anyway,” and a true optimist will say “Who cares, I have more in the 'fridge.”

Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.

It's not that I'm afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Is It Any Wonder?

Is it any wonder, that I'm insane?

In my lifetime, I've been told by dozens of different people that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are real. I've been told by a dozen others that they're myths.

I've read a dozen books that say Jesus was real, and yet a dozen others say he's a myth.

I was taught that I should love my fellow man, and yet I've been taught to trust nobody.

As a child I was taught the Golden rule, as an adult I'm taught “Just look out for #1.”

I've been told crime doesn't pay, and yet I'm told the richest of people are actually crooks.

I am assured that I live in the greatest of all nations, and yet the blood of innocent children form rivers in the streets.

Is it any wonder???

Life is a painting, and you should throw all the colors you can on it.
-- Danny Kaye

Everything to excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
-- Lazarus Long

Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
-- Mae West

I never met a man I didn't like
-- Will Rogers

Mitchell's Law of Committees:
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.

Just A Little Religion

A man once said; “The mind is a thing in itself. It can make a Hell out of Heaven, and a Heaven out of Hell. The concept of Jesus' teachings, myth or not, are beautiful and encouraging. We need beauty and encouragement in this world.”

The same could be said of The Holy Torah or The Glorious Koran. They all have many teachings that are basically the same. And yet those who believe, truly believe, in any one of them, find it necessary to denounce the other two! And if they don't believe in one of these three, they reject all of them! (Is it any wonder I'm mad?)

I have read some from all three books, and they all teach good lessons. Some well-educated people have told me that the historical accuracy of these books have been questioned time and time again, yet their integrity remains intact.

As for what I believe? I believe I'll have another drink. (Milk of course!)

Of All The Things I've Lost...

...I miss my mind the most.

It was once said “...unless you come to me as a child, you will not see heaven...” Do you remember when you were a child and simple pleasures were 'heaven' to you? Have you watched any children recently, playing happily, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that is the world?

If I do regress to a child-like state, and in doing so find the happiness I once had, perhaps I will have lost nothing I needed in the first place.

In the meantime, I will continue, to have faith in people (ALL people) and to be kind and friendly to all. Being a madman, I do not see the dozens of strange looks, I do not notice that I've been ignored. I see only those few who return my smile, and friendly greeting.

Love is still the only treasure whose value increases, not by hoarding, but by giving it away freely.

Thank you all for listening.

Peace, Live Long and Prosper.

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Last modified 7/30/01